#FlatWhite It. Caution: It's Hot. 

Well, here starts the official first week that we have been up and running! Before we get into all the fun stuff, I just want to say thank you to everyone who is coming and continuing to read the content. I really hope you are enjoying it and having fun, because I know I am having loads of fun writing it.

So, fashion week in New York has begun and I'm devoting my time to both blog posts as well as fashion posts, so if you're interested in knowing what's in and what's relevant head on over to the Fashion page and digest it asap. If you're on this blog, you must care a little bit about fashion right? If you don't, get the fuck off and head on over to some other boring website out there. I'm sure they will be thrilled to have the traffic. There's no time to play games like that - especially this early in the morning. 

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Update on the weekend - I bitched out an entire restaurant, I went skinny dipping at your grandmother's house, I got a lap dance, and I've been fantasizing about having a morning like this bitch sipping her cappuccino in the picture up above. She seems to be getting more action than the next door's mistress. You know you wish you were her. So I watched this movie recently (like last night) and it was The Overnight, starring Adam Scott (Alex) and Taylor Schilling (Emily). It really got me inspired for this morning post. I'm going to give you guys a play-through of the first scene. It's an Indie, so naturally you have to sit through that boring intro shit where they name off these production companies that no one's ever heard of, but anyways the scene starts off with Alex and Emily breathing heavily (they're obviously doing it at 7am, because that's normal in marriages, right?) and you hear the phrase, "...say I have a big dick." Pause for dramatic effect. "You have a big dick." The scene continues, "...say I have a GIANT dick." She says, "You have a GIANT dick."  The sex is like a preschooler trying to color in the lines, it's messy as hell and it looks like shit. You then hear, "...okay let's do circles. Circle, circle, circle." What the fuck does circle mean? Is that a new codeword for something? The screenwriter must have learned it from some experienced Tinder user (I'm personally more Raya than Tinder, but that's another post). I'm really just so confused so far. Turns out as they get to the point of ejaculation, he pulls out and lays next to her (with full pajama's on mind you; these bitches aren't even naked) and they masturbate like it's an American Pie movie. Boom, right before they pop off here swings open the door and little Johnny Rocket flies in screaming and hollering for pancakes or some shit. This is exactly why you don't have kids. 

The movie continues and they meet a couple at the park. The couple proceeds to invite them over for a "children's pizza party" which turns into a drunken-filled night of two married couple's skinny-dipping, pot-smoking, showing off some weird asshole art, and behind the scenes Thai massages which actually are glory holes in disguise. It was a great movie experience. It all happens in California, because in one of the scenes Alex says, "This is California. Maybe this is what dinner parties are like here?" Well shit Alex, no wonder everyone's so thirsty... there's been a drought for the past couple of years. How could they not be? All in all, the movie's a good laugh. It's innocent, ridiculous, and makes you want to go to a California dinner party so you can spice up your marriage, because duh all the cool kids do it and you should too. Why have a marriage counselor when you have a California dinner party?

A couple of life lessons I learned from this cinematic masterpiece are as follows: (1) date someone with a penis big enough he doesn't have to do a circle jerk on your vagina, (2) never is it a good idea to mix pizza and whiskey (the movie shows you why), and (3) orgies at 6am lead to preschool catastrophe's. 

I hope your weekend was as full of excitement as mine. My Monday advice to you is to go find a Wall Street man, dip his cock in your cappuccino and well... I'll leave the rest up to you. 

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