Your Love Life Is Boring... It's Time to Break-Up
So this trend of going over to someone's place to "Netflix and Chill" has taken off recently and this is some codeword to have sex. Urban dictionary defines it as, "...you are going to go over to your partner's house and fuck with Netflix in the background." Doing some more research, apparently there's an app for it too - called TikiTalk. (If you download this, we are no longer friends just fyi) WTF? I don't even know what to think of this. Are people that lazy with their dating lives, we've resulted to wanting to be like an old-couple on a deathbed? Are you that desperate? Are you that unoriginal?
If your relationship is that un-exciting that you now look forward to "Netflix and Chill'n", you should probably break up with that person. They aren't doing shit for you. That romantic stimulation isn't working in the best way possible. I don't know about you, but I've seen everything on Netflix and nothing on there even gets me remotely in the mood. What are you gonna do? Go through different sex positions between Orange is the New Black? Are you gonna emulate all the sex scenario's in every movie? They're shit too. Is this what you're gonna do - getting off during a House of Cards binge? Hell no. If I'm watching a show, I'm watching a show. If I want to fuck, then I want to fuck. Sex isn't a multi-tasking task people seem to think it is. If that's what you think, then you're doing it wrong and you can become a born-again virgin for all I care.
Dating is the most exciting time in any relationship. It's the time where you can be adventurous and try most anything; you get to explore the other person (literally) and figure out what makes them them and what turns them on - sexually and mentally. If your partner wants to just "Netflix and Chill"... bitch bye. They are boring AS FUCK and if you're on Week 3 doing this shit, you might as well take your hand, use it, and keep on walking. Tbh, I would rather there be an Uber and Chill where we book a SUV, bluetooth that playlist, and have sex in the back of an Escalade riding around the city. (If you think that's not possible, well...)
This trend is absolutely ridiculous. How have we have become so lazy that sex has become an act of convenience between streaming times? Bitch, just because the movie is buffering doesn't mean you can come over in my space and try your little games. You need to take me to dinner first and I'm not talking about the local Applebee's. (You better not have that in your head either) Some people have probably gotten pregnant through this groundbreaking sexual experience. LOL. What are you going to tell your kids when they grow up and get curious? Oh Mommy and Daddy made you on this couch in 2015 while watching Netflix? Poor kid. They're going to be like, "Oh, wow you guys were so romantic"... that is if you two are still together.
Maybe I have too high expectations? I don't think so, I just know what I want. I mean if I can do it all myself, I expect the other person to do it and provide something to the relationship that I can't. Come on now, that's basic Dating 101. (Maybe I should start a class, would you sign up?) Talking about expectations let me tell you my thought process on when I would consider doing this act of "Netflix and Chill'n": we will have to had Oscar-nonimated sex in every penthouse in the city, and after that we will take it to the streets - livestream our romantic escapades on all the monitors in Times Square, we will have tried every role-play experience in the Halloween Book of Tricks, and then when we've exhausted through every romantic place in the States, you can fly me to every romantic city around the world and we can have sex in Amsterdam, Shanghai, Melbourne, fucking Dubai... okay? Are you understanding? There will NEVER be a time I would consider doing this.
NO EXCUSES. If you're sick, we will wait until your healthy. I'll go to Dean & DeLuca and get you that chicken soup. If you aren't in the mood, we can call a third person and have them come up and I'm sure they'll get you in the mood really fast and then kick the third person to the curb. If you're still not into it, then there's the door you can leave and I'll personally call Duane Reade and have you on a non-stop prescription of libido-enhancers.
I'm someone with a very vivid imagination and when it comes to sex it's no different. Why would it be? I don't believe that shit that people say when, "It's not like the movies." Yes it is, if you make it that way. If you want to make it hot and steamy, email me I'll give you a step-by-step list on how to do it. It's not my fault if the person I'm with gets too lazy or has no expectations. There are no "quickie's" in my vocabulary and it shouldn't be in yours either. Sex is supposed to be magical and an intimate experience between two people and best believe we will book up the entire Eiffel Tower and have sex at the top under the Parisian sky or hit up that Abu Dhabi desert and fuck on the back of a camel like my girl Samantha Jones does in Sex and the City BEFORE you invite me over to your couch so we can "Netflix and Chill." I will break up with you faster than you can login and throw that cheap ass Champagne in the trash on my way out the door (and you'll be paying for the Uber MF'er). Bye.